Live: Hardships and Troubles: How to Move Forward

One of the hardest things we as human beings have to face; is emotions. Emotions can change us, control us, and even break us if we give them the power to do so. Although losing someone is hard, going on without them is harder, and that’s what brings me to write this blog. How do we move forward in life without them here, how do we get up each day knowing they can’t, its hard. As I have faced a lot of loss I have learned ways to breakthrough the pain and I will share them with you.

1) Acceptance

The most important thing we must do after losing someone in order to move forward is accept the fact that they are gone. If we cannot accept the loss, then we will never be able to move forward . Tell yourself these things happen, it is neither yours nor their fault, and there is no way to bring them back; so we must accept the loss.

2) Finding Happiness

When we lose someone we are overcome with pain, regret, and sadness; through all this though we must find how to be happy again. Write a list of things that made you happy prior to the loss, whether it be sports, science or writing think of ways to keep your self happy and slowly move from this lull.

3)  Remembering, not forgetting

One of the most important parts of loss that many people do wrong is the act of remembrance. When we are in pain we try to make it go away and some people think the best way to do this is by getting rid of what causes us pain. For example throwing out clothes, pictures or souvenirs related to the loss. The worst way to move forward is by getting rid of everything, this will not bring the person back or rid of the memories, you must accept the loss and by clearing what remains of that being away, you are not accepting it.

4)  Moving forward, not moving on

When I wrote the rough draft of this blog I used the words moving on, it was not until I read it through that I realized that was a poor word choice on my part. We do not want to move on, moving on means throwing it away, putting it in the past and leaving it there; whereas moving forward it more positive, accepting what has happened and finding a way to deal.

“move on: to stop doing or dealing with something and start doing something else” (bing/encarta dictionaries)

“move forward:develop in a positive way” (http://dictionary.sensagent.com/move%20forward/en-en/)

Now moving forward does not mean erasing that persons existence, as they did live and thrive, but it means not letting the loss demobilize you any longer. Find ways to continue your life not dwelling in the past but not erasing it either. Slowly add things to your daily life to keep you busy, happy and focused

5) ‘You’ time

Dedicate time to making yourself feel better whether it be a bath, spa day, or even just buying that item you’ve been wanting for a while, by doing things for you to make you happy is not selfish it is sometimes needed.

6) Be Patient

Moving forward is not an easy thing to do at all it will not take a day it can take years but as long as you are trying, moving forward is possible.

If any of you have any other advice on getting through hard times feel free to share what helped you.

“Grief is like an ocean; it comes on in waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” -Vicki Harrison.

-E.

Love

“It’s hard for someone to love you when you don’t love yourself” Not sure who said that one but it’s been stuck in the back of my mind for awhile. It is a quote that works on so many levels whether it refers to weight, height, looks if you do not even love yourself how would you ever expect someone to love you? Self confidence is the most important quality to bring to the table in a relationship. As soon as you realize how beautiful you are inside and out it opens the gates for some to see the same. I spent today with my boyfriend driving for the majority of the day in order to find the beautiful or beautifully acclaimed town of dundas. The drive took about 4 hours and the town wasn’t even that great but the fact that I spent the day with him was all that mattered. And instead of getting pissed that I didn’t find a closer place to visit he stayed positive all day even when negativity passed overhead. All in all you need to love or learn to love yourself before anyone can ever love you back. And once you find someone make sure they are the person who stays strong for you and positive even when you are at your weakest and most negative point.
Love
-E.